So many people are found walking across the street without looking–the sign says wait, yet people still cross. Even those who do wait find themselves stopping again due to cars running red lights. We live a world that has stopped following directions, signs, and rules.
Unfortunately, safeguards and policies for technologies are not in place like they should be for today’s teens in America. Because of this, today’s parents of teens feel powerless and defenseless with the changing roles of screens, social media, AI, and chatbots. More teens are feeling consumed, addicted, and unsure of their role within today’s changing digital landscape. Some teens are offloading their thinking to AI since they don’t feel like they can do the thinking on their own. They feel unsure, and they are not confident in their own thinking process. Without having the chance to discover their writing voice, they are giving up too easily on themselves, distracted and frustrated. Today’s parents often describe their time parenting their teen as policing their teens’ screen time, and teens also share how stuck, lonely, and isolated they feel in these addictive digital worlds.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
There is a different way of living that is possible. This does not mean that technology or AI literacy will not be learned at some point, but it does mean that other important life and thinking skills will be learned FIRST. This means that life-giving soul-filled activities can be pursued. Parents do not have to be defeated and feel powerless anymore–they can take back their human agency and their purpose in their growing teens’ life.
Teens will ride the waves of new technologies.
Think about the last time your teen went boogieboarding or surfing. Did they try to ride every wave? No–they waited for just the right wave they wanted to ride. When it came, they jumped on their board with great anticipation, and they rode it with joy. Your teen doesn’t have to ride every new wave of technology that comes to them–they can pick and choose the waves they want to ride. Teens need to see themselves as the active rider in these waves of technology. They should not feel like the waves are riding them; instead, they should feel in charge of their ride. They should be the creator, the author, and the rider–maneuvering where they go and how long they ride.
Teens can pursue life-giving activities without escaping into the false sanctuary of technology with their parents’ loving support and guidance.
Delay for Teen Soul-Care
It really is just that simple—delay.
Parents can delay the use of social media, AI, short-form videos, screen time, and any other activities on a screen for their teens.
How? Let me offer some ideas.
- Parents can choose educational experiences for their teens that align with this priority where books are given instead of screens and hands-on collaborative in-person projects are pursued.
- Teens can attend in-person concerts, performances, and museums instead of constantly giving their attention away to short-form videos.
- Teens can cook new recipes in the kitchen, go outside for a nature walk, unload the dishwasher, have a campfire, play basketball in the driveway, throw the ball, and do their own laundry instead of scrolling. Each week they can cook a new meal and learn to play a new song instead of watching something else.
Don’t forget to rest.
The goal should be to replace screen time with life-giving activities that bring the family closer together. This does not mean that parents should be running in five different directions each week; families must prioritize what matters. Allowing seasons for both activity and rest/recovery should also be prioritized. Down time should be given for both parents and teens, especially as teens need more sleep during this time in their life.
Do not worry–you are not missing out, and they are not missing out. You have nothing to prove, and they have nothing to prove. This is a season of growth in identity in your teen’s life where they should be inspired to explore, create, and discover real-world experiences!
Offer Safer Alternatives
Parents can offer digital cameras and video cameras for creativity instead of a smartphone. Teens can still go out and explore the world around them, taking videos and photos–they do not need a smartphone to do that. Teens can still listen to music that speaks to them on screen free mp3 players with loved music and audiobooks. They can still communicate on watches without Wi-Fi and texting. They can have their own landline phone number where they call their friends, and their friends can contact them without texting. You can find what works for you and your teen–there are so many alternatives to smartphones. Do not feel trapped into using technologies you don’t want to use.
This is not about policing; it is about protecting teens’ minds, so they can move freely into exploring their creativity and purpose.
If parents want their teens to read, they can replace their screens with a book. If they want their teens to play music, they can replace their social media with an instrument. If they want their teens to develop clearer thinking with emotional regulation, they can provide their teens with a pencil to write in a journal with stories and how they are feeling instead of a mouse and a keyboard. If they want their teens to grow in their adventurous spirit, they can replace video games with real life adventures out in nature. If they want their teens to be artistic while exercising their imagination, they can provide them with hands-on art projects instead of short-form videos. If they want their teens to build their relationship skills, they can have them engage strictly with in-person human communication without online relationships, texting, and chatbot interaction.
Is it that difficult? It may not be what everyone else is doing, but does it really matter when their identity, critical thinking, and creativity is on the line?
There is a natural progression in life with learning how to make sounds then words and with crawling first before walking just like there is a natural progression in life with learning how to think critically and creatively first. We must care for our teens’ souls by allowing them to first grow in their thinking.
Our teens have a unique purpose– a destiny for their life. They must discover that identity and pursue the course of their life while growing in thought, creativity, and character.
When their attention is glued to the addictive power of a screen, they are becoming more underdeveloped and missing out on important developmental growth. Teens should not be turning to the sanctuary of screens instead of growing in their faith and worldview. Teens must develop their critical thinking skills and creativity, their communication skills, their worldview with their values, and their empathy by being given permission over and over again to grow in their thinking and values.
Teens need to be the captain of their soul where they think, create, read, write, and discover who they are.
Teens need to be quiet enough to listen to their own creativity, to tinker, and to explore. They need to know that they have their own giftings and talents they can offer to the world around them. They need to know that their intelligence is more than good enough, and that there is a beautiful purpose and beauty in their own writing voice and thinking process.
When I started back in education over 20 years ago, I created my own educational philosophy. My educational motto became “to care for souls”, and I consider myself lucky since I had the opportunity of soul-care as a teenager and young adult. This did not mean I didn’t feel overwhelmed or lost at times, but I had all the opportunities I needed to think, to grow in my ideas, and to struggle with my own creativity without screens, social media, AI, addictive technologies, chatbots, and smartphones. I had the privilege of thinking and even wrestling through my own thoughts, values, and worldview while growing my own inner spiritual life. I was not distracted—I was fully present. I could not numb myself with screens or escape into technology; instead, I learned to find comfort in my faith, and I understood my identity in my faith and worldview. My identity did not come from social media; instead, I grew in my identity by playing music, reading, writing, playing outside, forming friendships, doing extracurricular activities, and communicating with others in-person.
Wait.
There is a purpose in waiting–teens can not live in perpetual state of spring, blossoming and active at all times. There is a reason winter occurs, so that roots can grow slowly and deliberately. There needs to be depth in the soil for the roots to be protected from cold snaps. Our teens are still growing their roots, and we need to offer them the depth of life-giving opportunities—we can help provide them with the rich soil that can support them, so they can focus on growing in their identity, values, unique purpose, thinking process, and voice.
Let us not forget the importance of our teenager’s inner lives with their soul-care.
Reference
Chambon, B. (2026, June 4). Pedestrian crossing button with wait sign [Photograph]. Unsplash. https://unsplash.com/photos/pedestrian-crossing-button-with-wait-sign-YTaDFUAdx4E
Note: All written content, images, and original ideas published on Getting Creative with Carolyn are the property of Carolyn G. Mills unless otherwise noted. You may share brief excerpts or link back to my post as long as full and clear credit is given to Carolyn G. Mills with a direct link to the original content. Full-article republishing without explicit written permission is prohibited. When referencing data, studies, or quotes from other authors, every effort is made to link back to the original source with proper attribution in a given Reference page at the end. Photography not by the author is also cited in the Reference page.